" I tell Mark and get up and I almost have to prevent myself from sprinting to my room.I open up my laptop and notice the cams still running. I see Ma...k sitting there in cam number one, Kayla in her room in cam number two. She looks good, real good. Quality isn't perfect but I can notice that she looks as good as she does. She's in her bra and panties, looks like she's going through her closet. I watch for a minute as she gets dressed. I almost salivate watching her. She looks into the mirror,. I think that we both slept on our way back home. Once again we were driven back to the house inside a van, but once we got there Kath had a party waiting for us. Once we got inside the house, Kath looked at Madi, and for once Madi was the one who backed down. I started feeling bad."Kath, it was my fault. Please forgive her."She turned and looked at me as though I was out of my mind."John, I thought that you got it. She needed it. She needed some good new memories, instead of only having the bad. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I remember the look on the nurses face, when I knew the end was near. She came in and pulled away the tubes. Then the doctor came, and they turned off your life support. I closed my eyes as I heard the rhythmic sound of your heart monitor shift to a single sharp note. I still hear that in my head sometimes. Emotions swung to "Ilove him, baby Tom needs a father" I blamed myself, my looks andbehaviour wasn't that of a loving wife, I conclude that I was a goodmother but not a good wife.My mum was a frequent visitor to help me with the family, I had starteddrinking wine on an evening, it wasn't long before my mum detected thatmy excess drinking was caused by something I was unhappy about.I blurted out my marriage problems to my mum, tears, anger, confusionand the underlying feeling of disgust and.
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