’ The first thing that popped into my head was that I was glad he did, and then a million other thoughts raced across my mind. Foremost, I question...d if I was doing the right thing. My heart said yes but my head was reluctant to agree. We had only just recently found each other again and I was beginning to feel like we were rushing. I felt him move up behind me and then his hands were on my waist, warm and firm but gentle. He turned me so I could face him. ‘I’m afraid. Afraid that this is. Brad took the dogs out for a walk and I moved everyone into the living room for some more games.I decided that I was curious so I opened the satchel with the toys that were never used from last night. There was a wide assortment of dildos, vibrators, plugs, clamps and other things. I wasn't sure I knew what to do with everything. I had the feeling that Mary and Tracey were knowledgeable about every single thing in there.One of the first things I saw was the biggest butt plug I had ever seen. It. And you cut again. And it keeps on going, and going, and going... It’s very hard to explain and incredibly difficult for people to comprehend but hurting yourself is very addictive. I have no idea why but that’s the only word that I can find to at least try to explain. People often mistake is as a suicide attempt but that’s just because the most common place to cut is arms. It’s not about dying, it really isn’t. It can be a cry for help but for most it’s to help cope with emotional pain. . Then there were two different rooms for sex. They had one room where there were cameras set up so they could record the event and another room where there were no cameras. This was for the comfort of the guests depending on what they were interested in. Once they’d showed us around they explained that this was a smaller group of people who got tested regularly so they could go bareback, it wasn’t required but they generally preferred that. Once the introductions were out of the way we headed.
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